- Huge. Tremendous ceilings.
- Unfurnished since 1946.
- Acoustics: the best. Everybody says so.
- Previous tenant: one (1) peanut bucket.
01 / 05
Donald J. Trump
President of the United States
- Brain
- Not detected
- Peanuts
- One bucket, the best bucket
- Echo
- Tremendous
TRUMP: I know words. I have the best words.
TRUMP: In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs. The people that came in. They’re eating the cats. They’re eating the pets of the people that live there.
Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump
Despite the constant negative press covfefe
Asked for his health care plan
TRUMP: I have concepts of a plan.
TRUMP: And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning…
On windmills
TRUMP: …your house just went down 75 percent in value. And they say the noise causes cancer.
TRUMP: The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He’s a wonderful man.
Sinking boat, battery, shark
TRUMP: I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark.
TRUMP: You know, I do the weave. You know what the weave is?
Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump
….to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!
TRUMP: I’m an extremely stable genius.
Live
TRUMP
Person, woman, man, camera, TV.
On his cognitive test · Fox News interview · Jul 2020TRUMP: This is going to be great television, I will say that.
02 / 05
JD Vance
Vice President
- Recently converted to a litter box.
- Current tenant: one cat, childless.
- Opinions included. They rotate.
- Smell: improving.
- Brain
- Not detected
- Cats
- 1, using it as a litter box
- Poops so far
- 0
Live
VANCE
…a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made…
Tucker Carlson Tonight · Jul 29, 2021 Live
VANCE
I’m a “Never Trump” guy. I never liked him.
Charlie Rose · Oct 2016 JD Vance
I go back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical asshole like Nixon who wouldn’t be that bad (and might even prove useful) or that he’s America’s Hitler.
Live
VANCE
If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do.
On the pet-eating story · CNN, State of the Union · Sep 15, 2024VANCE: The rules were that you guys weren’t going to fact-check.
VANCE: Have you said thank you once…
JD Vance
If you think we should do it let’s go. I just hate bailing Europe out again.
Pete Hegseth
VP: I fully share your loathing of European free-loading. It’s PATHETIC.
03 / 05
Marco Rubio
Secretary of State, National Security Adviser, and more
- Four job titles, one occupant.
- Comes with emergency water.
- Polite smile fitted as standard.
- Desk shared with Secretary of State.
- Brain
- Not detected
- Jobs held
- 4 at once
- Water
- 1 bottle, for emergencies
RUBIO: Let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing.
RUBIO: …this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing… (again)
RUBIO: …this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing… (again)
RUBIO: …this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing… (yes, again)
On Donald Trump
RUBIO: Then he asked for a full-length mirror. Maybe to make sure his pants weren’t wet.
RUBIO: …the guy with the worst spray tan in America is attacking me for putting on makeup.
RUBIO: Have you seen his hands? … You know what they say about men with small hands? You can’t trust them.
Marco Rubio@marcorubio
Donald Trump is a con artist — and he cannot be our nominee. #NeverTrump
RUBIO: If he hadn’t inherited $200 million, you know where Donald Trump would be right now? Selling watches in Manhattan.
RUBIO: For me personally, this is the most meaningful Labor Day of my life as someone with four jobs.
04 / 05
Pete Hegseth
Secretary of Defense (of War)
- Unwashed since 2009.
- Home to billions of tenants.
- Group chat included. Journalists welcome.
- Germs are not a real thing.
- Brain
- Not detected
- Germs
- Billions, unwashed since 2009
- Group chats
- 1, plus a journalist
Live
HEGSETH
I don’t think I’ve washed my hands for 10 years. Really, I don’t really wash my hands…
Fox & Friends Weekend · Feb 10, 2019 Live
HEGSETH
Germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them, therefore they’re not real.
Fox & Friends Weekend · Feb 10, 2019Michael Waltz added Jeffrey Goldberg
Pete Hegseth
1415: Strike Drones on Target (THIS IS WHEN THE FIRST BOMBS WILL DEFINITELY DROP…)
Pete Hegseth
MORE TO FOLLOW (per timeline) We are currently clean on OPSEC Godspeed to our Warriors.
HEGSETH: Nobody was texting war plans, and that’s all I have to say about that.
HEGSETH: No more beardos.
HEGSETH: …it’s completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon…
SUMMONS State of Israel v. Netanyahu Cases 1000 · 2000 · 4000 Jerusalem District Court
61needed · has 53
05 / 05
Benjamin Netanyahu
Prime Minister of Israel
- Sublet to the late Supreme Leader.
- He finds the bomb drawing hilarious.
- Red line drawn on by hand.
- Majority not included.
- Brain
- Not detected
- Worries
- Iran, the courts, cigars, 61
- Bombs
- 1, cartoon, with a red line
NETANYAHU: This is a bomb; this is a fuse.
NETANYAHU: A red line should be drawn right here.
NETANYAHU: And by next spring, at most by next summer, at current enrichment rates, they will have finished the medium enrichment and move on to the final stage.
NETANYAHU: …if you take out Saddam’s regime, I guarantee you that it will have enormous positive reverberations on the region.
On the corruption investigations
NETANYAHU: There will be nothing, because there is nothing.
Live
NETANYAHU
The right-wing government is in danger. Arab voters are moving in droves to the polling stations.
Election-day video · Mar 17, 2015NETANYAHU: It’s nominating you for the Peace Prize, which is well-deserved and you should get it.
0seats
Needed 61 for a majority. 8 short.